Recently I helped a person to realize she was making a mistake by “naming” an important event of her life in a wrong way.
Sometimes when you think of a life-changing event in your life and try to figure out what it meant at this time and what it means to you by now, the very fact that YOU are concerned in the first place does not help you to objectively “qualify” this event, because you do not have the “big picture”, by definition. And naming correctly an event is paramount to the influence it can have in your subconscious mind and, therefore, in your future conscious life and the general direction it will follow after you have put a meaning on a particular life-changing event.
So in this matter I was first a spectator – a post reader on a blog – and I had the strong feeling that those lines on my computer screen were a message in a bottle. The bottle was thrown away over the endless see of the internet, and the message was one of unspoken despair somehow.
I decided after careful reading to become an actor, to intervene: namely to comment the post and enter carefully in her author’s “skin and feelings”. Because I knew what would happen if I (or anyone else) did nothing: this wrong perception of this crucial event would have had a “bending effect” on this young person’s life: it would have put a completely “dark” interpretation on every aspect of her life and postpone the realization of her mistake, which she would surely have done, but after many years of suffering which I could spare – that is what I hoped!
This was far more than a comment to me, it was crossing a line and give a hand, respond to that message in the bottle. So I had to carefully pick up the words I had to use in order to avoid hurting the other person’s feelings and put here kindly “back on track”. I hope you understand what I mean… The person read my lines and I think she had the beginning of a revelation and thanked me…
So what is my point here?
Well, life is mostly about “making choices”. Even choosing to read something and browse further without doing anything – namely “not making a choice”… is a choice!
Love is a way of life, a serial of choices, “good” or “bad”. So is friendship.
But to initiate a connection, create communication, and eventually build together a friendship is another thing.
To fall in love or to “fall in friendship” with someone is easy: you can do it by yourself, your choice, your feelings, you are in control of this first part, even if you think you are the “victim” of the other person’s appeal.
That is why I value correspondence so much: it can help two people to understand each other at a reasonable pace. You write, (s)he writes, and so on… The scriptural dialogue is also the same with questions and answers, doubts and explanations, secrets and revelations, true and false.
The key is ACCEPTANCE: if you initiate a correspondence, you have to accept that the recipient will accept, or not, to follow you in this journey. When you try to initiate a correspondence, you already have the impression that you have the “set of rules” that are compulsory to build this scriptural relationship. Nothing more wrong: the set of rules have to be built like they build a bridge on a river, that is to say the construction begins at both ends of the bridge and have to reach somehow in the middle…
I asked this person to have a correspondence with me. Because I would like to have a friend and feel more useful to someone… To have the chance to get to know her, because I think she is special.
Strange feeling for me indeed, because I fell in love with my wife after several months of correspondence, back in the early 90ies. I am so happy with my wife; she is my soul mate, my best friend, my lover… So what do I need to have a scriptural friend, then?
I thought intensively about this deep and subconscious will of mine which “suddenly” woke up reading a post on a blog. And the answer is that I am fed up with hypocrisy and superficiality. So when I see someone suffering and when I feel I can do something, use “healing words” and attitudes, I do it. That is what I have done in “Aventura Parc” during the last weeks I have spent there as a Director and tree climbing monitor: often I saw customers coming to me in order to “have fun” in the trees, but I also saw suffering in their eyes, in their behaviors.
I already knew I ought to leave Romania soon, so there was nothing to lose by not respecting taboos and conventions. So I chose to “cross the line” and intervene by speaking kindly and personally to these persons. I actually helped them in our discussions to overcome self-confidence problems or fright of the heights. It is amazing what the tree climbing experience can do: some people lose their inhibitions there and feel free to talk about their lives… So I think I helped many people by using “tree climbing analysis” 🙂
Well, this post is a kind of confession I guess, surely introspection.
Anyway, I hope that you will understand that my view of a correspondence is that it is the best way to make friends, because time and distance help to analyze your feelings, to find the truth in what you want and what the other wants.
So one day I will have someone to write to?