The man you see every morning in the mirror can be your best friend… or your fiercest enemy. It seems that the last is trying to suck the best out of me during the last couple of weeks.
I am not giving up the project of becoming a “YouTubeur”, but it has to wait, as I am obviously prisoner of my own “creative loop”, biting my own tail like a crazy dog.
Let me explain: as a self-taught guy, my passion is to discover and set up new things, try, make errors, and so on, but to make progress in the end. It a solitary and sometimes painful process, but it allows me to be mostly autonomous in many activities: I do not depend on others as I perform almost all tasks… Well, that is another illusion but maybe I should write about it on another day 🙂
Without any “official” job for the moment, I am experiencing many things but I do not complete them, maybe to create a kind of “artificial” business (that is: “I am so busy”) and I often feel suffocated by my OWN projects, not realizing that this kind of behavior is completely “addictive” and nonproductive: as soon as I think I have learnt “all” I should, I fly to another “flower”, like a drunk bee, if anything like that could ever exist…
But my wife is always – my “conscience”, my “soul mirror” – trying to help me in this bad situation. It is not procrastinating (I DO things, the things that appear important to me), as I enjoy having fun learning and mastering “new things”, but by “learning too many”, I cannot “finish anything properly”. Ridiculous isn’t it?
Oh yeah you bet!
It is not that I am stupid: I can draw very elaborate plans or simplify and organize complicated concepts, but I do not apply this knowledge to… ME. I am so angry on me that I would like to beat myself on the floor or even throw a shoe to my image in the mirror!
Well, I decided this evening to rationalize my work and projects and to stick on this decision. No more “emotional jobs”: yeah, from time to time I can work on something fun, but I have to FINISH some “old” projects waiting for me. The thing is to have fun – again – with these “old” projects, as they will help us to make our dream come true: get rid of some chains and become authors so we can travel and write / create / film and earn a decent life… not something spectacular, but decent, as our son will leave our home in 5-6 years from now…
So in the coming weeks, I will work on tourist e-guides, amazing pieces of creative and collaborative thinking with Cristina (my wife and muse). Hopefully you will find those eBooks shortly in English version on Amazon…
Thank you and have a nice day 🙂